guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
