Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
