Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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