I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
