yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize