I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
