i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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