I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
