one word: firstdatebathroomanal
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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