I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
