were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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