one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
