ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
