what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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