So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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