sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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