i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
