Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
