So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
