How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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