I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
