I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
