There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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