I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
