I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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