Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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