we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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