When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
