These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Houston, we have a squirter
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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