life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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