So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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