Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
