good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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