yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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