tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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