how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
