Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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