How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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