i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
