Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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