woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
