Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize