Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
