I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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