dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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