You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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