Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
