i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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