Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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