All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
only if we run a train.
done.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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