meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
