i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sober January is a disaster.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
