Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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