I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
