So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
