It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
