drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
