I'm lost and stupid without you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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