I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
