My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
