I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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