Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
