Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Never underestimate the power of titties
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