Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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