If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize