I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
