Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My ass is underappreciated
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
