i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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